if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize