i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
