Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
