Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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