She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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