I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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