she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
