Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
