Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
