he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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