I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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