Are we in a gay sports bar?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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