there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
