I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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