well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
