I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
