I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize