I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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