So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
