i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Randomize
