Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
