Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
