the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
