Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
