I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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