I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
