It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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