you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize