HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
