Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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