I think i peed on brittanys purse
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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