How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize