It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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