I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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