No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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