WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The Olympian is in my bed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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