Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just high enough for therapy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
