sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
