Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
