The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
