i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
