you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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