i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
