we made out on top of his cat.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
