shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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