i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
In America we eat man semen.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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