i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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