I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
