I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
