Can Purell be used as lube?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
