i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
should my penis look like a turkey
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
