remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
