wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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