I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
