girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
