In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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