he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
