I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
