Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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