I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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