Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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