And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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