I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
how does that bad decision feel?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
