I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
