I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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