I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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