you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
