Non-Jews are for practice
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
