if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
