New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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