Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
