Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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