it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize