i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
