if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
