I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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