I'm really into asian looking animals
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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