note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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