do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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