You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
