Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
