shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
