The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's never too late to be topless.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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