I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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