Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize