chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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