There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
