which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
