I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's rum buckets o'clock
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize