I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
