She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
