ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize