she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
