And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize