why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize