So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
