yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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