I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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