this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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