Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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