There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
