dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
