He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize