i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
