This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
