Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
